Editor’s Note:  This was originally written for an AAU Federalists Blog segment on entry-level life in the real agency world, but I believe it will be re-cut for a more “digestible” form.  Since Media Guy’s official last day was yesterday and no one reads this Tumblr, here is the original, unedited version, posted for interweb posterity.

7:45am - Early day at the office.  Our Media Guy conveniently fell asleep on me during a long night spent trying to wrap up a project, so he scheduled an 8am touch base to meet an afternoon deadline.

8am – I glance at the media aisle.  Media Guy nowhere to be found.  Great… I’m the only moron in the office that actually thinks an 8am internal meeting starts at 8am.

8:30am – Media Guy: “Everything looks good but I want you to add one more thing to represent the channel opportunities visually.  Let’s try making two semicircles, one side with drivers and the other side with destinations.  Then we’ll draw paths to show each relationship.  So there will be a bunch of lines crossing over each other - you know what I’m envisioning right?” 

(Uh, no… I actually have no clue what you’re talking about.  What you just described is a dreamcatcher.)

Me:   “Sure thing!  I’ll do it, no problem.”

Media Guy: “We’ll need a designer to help you on this.  Usually someone pretty junior takes care of profiles and personas… I think Mike Dorsey’s free.” (Ouch.)

We walk to the creative aisle (about twice as long and wide as the strategy aisle— just sayin’), to see if he can help out.

Mike: “Sure thing!  I’ll do it, no problem.”

(Juniors, account or creative, are quite the enthused bunch.  Apparently we are also physically incapable of saying the word “no.”)

Mike’s project manager: “No way.  I’ve got Dorsey until Thursday working on an iPhone app.  You can’t have him.”

Guess it’s up to me!  But I don’t know Creative Suite…  Or, do I? ;)

[Furiously toiling away at desk]

Um, so apparently I don’t.  I’ve struggled with the template for about 2 hours, and still can’t figure out how it was made.  Whoever conceived this thing was an Illustrator genius!  But this is the reality of my job, so I’m going to get this done right, one way or another.

12pm – Type has moved in transit and the vectors are shifting position [quiet panic].   I give up and decide it’s time to visit the creative bullpen.   After failed attempts by two legitimate designers, Art Director #3 comes over and is stumped as well.  They go on to debate for 20 minutes about how if I just cut some of the “content,” they could fit everything in without a problem.  Hmm… sorry guys, I know we want it to be pretty, but the “content” is this thing’s only real purpose.  I am then told there is no solution.

2:30pm As a last resort, I ping a former fellow student of mine at Academy of Art, emailing her the Iris of Satan, in hopes that she might know how to solve the problem.  Miraculously, she does.  (“Scale Strokes & Effects,” what in blue blazes…?)  Academy of Art has proven itself against all odds again.  She promptly tells me that I, along with every designer at my agency, should be fired and she should be hired in our place.  I thank her politely and hang up.

3:59pm – The PDF is off to the client about a minute before it’s due.  I get the stink eye from the Account Director while Media Guy presents my deck.  Dagnamit, he’s good.  Online behavior, buying styles, media consumption, lifestyles, attitudes… this is basically the first time he’s seen the material and he’s ripping through it like he just spent 30 wrist-cutting hours data-mining (no wait, that was me).   Thus is the life of the junior, deemed unworthy of speaking in front of a client (and rightfully so, to be perfectly honest—I can’t do what he just did).  Four days of research, condensed into 10 minutes of shining presentation glory.  Or sheer horror.  It’s about 50/50 right now.

So the moral of this story for all you future [junior] planners and strategists:  1) Book the designer well in advance so you can focus on doing your job.  2) Stop bitching and be grateful that at least your agency is not making you work in Excel.  3) Don’t get bogged down by something that’s probably ending up in the appendix anyway. 

*Though this story is based on true experiences, “characters” and actual events may have been exaggerated, merged, or altered for the sake of depicting some of the more unglamorous moments of agency life. “Media Guy,” as represented in this writing, only truly   exists in literary form ;)